By Tara Yilmaz
I love you, I’m in love with you.
These are two phrases that some people were lucky enough to experience or not at all. It’s a point of perspective. In my opinion, love is endless when you truly love that person. If you love someone, you will love them forever – versus what my husband thinks. Mr. Yilmaz feels that even if you are in love with someone, that love can change or die over time depending on external factors. Factors such as family, friends, money, and lifestyle all have a hand in making or breaking love. This article discusses the possibility or probability of having three great loves in one’s lifetime. So, what better way to test the “Three Great Loves Theory” than to discuss it with a married couple who have different points of view regarding love?
→ Did you know there’s a theory that predicts throughout a person's lifetime they will fall in love three times at three different stages? Each Love is distinguishable and not interchangeable. There’s “First Love” which is often characterized as the first person to be an object of romantic affection but in my opinion, that first encounter is a strong attraction masquerading as first love. When I think of first love, I think of an eighth-grade or high-school crush. A love that is a phase and the romantic connection is surface-level at best.
The wind could blow in the wrong direction and that so-called love would fall apart. At this age, love is not built on intellect or character. In middle school, I once thought I loved a boy because he wore a new pullover jacket. But once he took the pullover jacket off the love was off, too. Mr. Yilmaz doesn’t believe in first love either. “I’m a Gemini, and when I was much younger, I fell in love with every woman I saw. It could be the way she talked, walked, dressed, or anything minor. After a few days, the feeling went away.”
→ Did you know the second type of love according to Poosh.com is “Intense Love,” a love that reaches the highest peak and drops to the lowest point? This love tends to happen when you’re a little older, a little wiser, and have a taste of life. Meaning you may have moved out of your parent’s house, paid some bills, made some mistakes, and are ready for the next great love of your life. Often the type of love that costs the most devastation because the era of ignoring red flags has begun. Why, might you ask? On the website, Bodyandsoul.com states that people ignore the red flags because they are having too much fun. So much fun, that people might believe that it’s a “forever love.”
→ Did you know the third love is termed “Unconditional Love”? A love that comes out of left field. Usually when you give up hope on finding love and come to terms with being a spinster and decide instead to collect cats. Or in my case guinea pigs. By this stage in life, our priorities and preferences are aligned, and we know what we will or won’t put up with. Finding unconditional love is what we strive for.
To be able to give up on playing mind games, controlling the amount of text messages you send in a day, living or dying by the response time of call-backs. None of that matters with unconditional love, the only thing that matters is the commitment to the future and standing together when life throws obstacles in the way.
The “Three Great Love Theory” may be a popular theory among enthusiasts but in the Yilmaz household, we don’t believe in that mumbo jumbo. We believe you can love as many or as few people as you please. Three is not a definitive number for the number of great loves in a lifetime. Just consider yourself lucky if you’ve experienced one great love.