Have you put away your childish competitions?

By David Ficarri


-Diversions with Dave-


How competitive are you? Growing up on the hills of Norwood, we turned everything into a competition. Who could jump from sidewalk to sidewalk across Edison Way. I think I still have that title. Wiffle ball, dodgeball, off the wall, you name it, we played it.


We even had our own foolish competitions. Who could hold a cup of coffee beans or flour in our mouths the longest, and, my all-time favorite, who could swallow whole peach slices from a can.


Obligatory disclaimer, please don’t attempt these things at home...or anywhere.


You know the saying, “When I was a child I thought and acted like a child, but once I became an adult, I put those childish things away.” Or do we?


I mean, have you really lived if you’ve never overturned a Monopoly game table? Some of my friends take it as an insult if they can’t carry all of their grocery bags on one trip.


Then, there are those of you who slap a NASCAR number on the side of your car and see how badly you can beat the recommended GPS time on your trip, all legally of course.


Which all brings me to a story I read recently that said around 5% of those surveyed think they can beat an elephant or a lion or other animals in a fight. I am somewhat relieved that that number isn’t higher.


Now, truth be told, a small part of me wouldn’t mind seeing a Darwinian experiment like the Roman coliseum take place but I love humanity too much to advocate it. Humans are at the top of the food chain because we can use tools, logic and reason although that story just illustrated logic and reason don’t always prevail.


As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned my place in the universe and have zero pretensions about competing with animals.


After all, a hippo can outswim and outrun me so if one can ride a bike, I’ve lost the triathlon to it.


So, do you enjoy fun or even stupid competitions?


Have you claimed your grocery bag or GPS trophies? Or, are you one of those who think you can actually beat an animal in a fight?


As for me, I’ve put most of my childish competitions away, but if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some shopping to do — I’m all out of peaches.

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