By David Ficarri
-Diversions with Dave-
It’s often been said that there are two kinds of people in this world and they’re often married to each other. Let’s take a little informal quiz and see where you stand. I promise there are no political debates here, these are much more important.
Let’s start in the bedroom. Don’t worry, it’s a PG story so I’ll even leave out any possible profanity.
Are you the person who jumps out of bed when the alarm goes off or do you hit the snooze button until the very last minute? Chances are that whichever one you are, you drive your partner insane.
The second one is how I judge the solidness of any relationship. On one side, there’s the person who lets the gas gauge dip below E before they decide to put gas in the tank.
Then they casually put three dollars worth of gas in and consistently repeat this process.
On the other side, the panic attackers don’t let the gauge even get to the halfway mark until they’re topping off the tank again.
If you can survive this dynamic in your relationship, then everything else is cake.
Number three on the list is a similar but relatively new phenomenon. Do you run your cell phone battery down to a blinking red level or keep charged at 100% just in case the phone might die if it reaches around 80% or so? This actually should be the new criteria to test for OCD.
The next one is one that probably causes the most breakups. Are you the event starts at 7:00 so I’ll arrive early, around 3:30 or so should do or the event starts at 7:00 so I don’t even start getting ready until well after 8:00? As one person proudly told me about this, “I put the pro in procrastinate.”
This brings me to the most relevant one this time of year.
Are you the, “I got my W-2’s on Feb. 1 so my taxes are going to be done on Feb. 2” or, “Wait a minute, it’s already April 14, where did the time go?” This one probably requires some cooperation if you’re filing jointly but even with that dynamic, the chances are you fall on one extreme or the other.
When the filing date is actually more stressful than the taxes being done, then you’ve probably found your soulmate.
Whatever side of the fence you sit on, you’ll probably agree that the other side is completely ludicrous in their life decisions, but you still love them anyway. Right?
Well, if you’re reading this then I got my article in before the printing deadline, but to be honest, I had a good excuse. I was trying to work on my bad habits but when I got to the meeting place, the sign on the door read, “Procrastinators Anonymous meeting has been postponed indefinitely.”